Snake Poison, Light Sabers and Mayonnaise

So . . . tomorrow is the big day!  Now that Dr. Kamerer has  cut out all the cancer cells that he could see, it is time to turn it over to Drs. Haake and Frenette so that they  can work their magic with radiation and chemotherapy.   I am SO ready to start because I am SO ready to finish! 

When we first told Charlie about my treatments we tried, obviously, to share it with him in terms that he could understand.  I explained that chemo was poison for the bad cancer cells, but that it also poisoned some good cells too,  and that's why Mommy might feel pretty sick this summer.  

"Like snake poison?" he asked.  

"Well, sort of, but this is a special poison that the doctors make.  They do put it into your veins just like snake venom though. It will weaken any cancer cells that are still around so that the radiation can kill them."   

 "Cool!" he replied, "what's radiation?"  

"Well, the radiation is a sort of laser that they will shoot at my neck from both sides to completely kill all the cancer cells that the chemo made sick. Unfortunately, they have to aim for a wide area so it could hurt some of my good cells too. That's why my  throat might be REALLY sore. "

"Sounds like a light saber!" he exclaimed.

 "Yep!  Just like a light saber.  And . . . don't forget the creepy mask . . . that will help  too."

"Your doctors have a lot of cool weapons, Mom!"

So, as far as Charlie is concerned, we are fighting this disease with knives, scary masks, snake poison and light sabers.  A pretty good arsenal when you're eight!

I have also been given a list of other weapons to fight the dreaded enemy, WEIGHT LOSS.  Yes, you read that right.  

As I mentioned in my last update, I got the tube placed in my stomach on Wednesday. It is healing nicely and not hurting as much (and I hope to not have to use it for several weeks yet!) In the meantime, I am eating things that I love and trying to GAIN some weight.  Really. And yes, I know how ridiculous that sounds coming from a 44 year old Mom!  

For those of you who have signed up for dinners over the next few weeks--thanks.  I will post here when I go on the liquid diet and then you only need to bring enough for Jason and Charlie (which is still soooo appreciated because it means I don't have to shop, cook, or clean up!) Until then though . . . per my doctor's instruction . . . I am supposed to GAIN weight.  It's unbelievable! In an effort to assist in this quest, (and to help out those of you who have volunteered to cook for me . . .) I was given a little flyer by my oncology nurse.  It's the funniest thing I've ever seen!  I swear it reads like a Saturday Night Live skit!  The title is . . . not kidding here . . .in bold capital letters . . . HOW TO INCREASE CALORIES IN YOUR DIET   Here is the executive summary.   There are 11 items running down the left side of the page.  Ideas and suggestions for their use are bulleted on the right.  The first item on the list is Butter and Margarine. Suggestions include: Add to soups , mashed and baked potatoes, hot cereals, grits, rice, noodles, and cooked vegetables. Stir into cream soups, sauces, and gravies. Combine with herbs and spread on cooked meats, hamburgers, fish and egg dishes. Use melted as a dip for raw vegetables and seafoods.  The next four items down the left side  are Whipped Cream, Table Cream, Cream Cheese, and Sour Cream. All of which can be added to soups and sauces, put onto cereals, breads and pastas, and used as toppings for desserts (Under Cream Cheese, they also suggest rolling it into a ball and coating it with nuts for a high protein, high fat snack!) Then comes the category Salad Dressings and Mayonnaise. Quick summary is: spread on everything. Next,  my personal favorite: Honey, Jam and Sugar.  Yes! Sugar! Real Sugar! Not Splenda, Equal, or Sweet and Low! Add to bread, cereal, milk drinks, fruit, and yogurt desserts. Use as a glaze for otherwise healthy foods like meat and chicken. Then, three unexpected (at least by me) categories: Granola, Dried Fruits and Eggs.  Chop them, sprinkle them, layer them, or mix them,  INTO and ONTO EVERYTHING! Fold them into pies, custards, casseroles and salads. Beat them into purees and sauces. Substitute them for lower fat alternatives!  And finally . . . the last entry.  It's not actually something you eat.   Instead, it reads, Food Preparation.  And the bullet points are . . .  I'm sorry, I'm really not making this stuff up . . . Saute and fry foods when possible because these cooking methods add more calories than baking or broiling.  Add sauces and gravies to breads meats and vegetables (see sections on butter, margarine, whipped cream, table cream, cream cheese, sour cream, salad dressings, mayonnaise, honey, jam, sugar, granola, dried fruits and eggs!) 

If the damn cancer doesn't kill me, my arteries will surely explode! Thanks for checking in on me. Enjoy your dinner!! (I know I will!)  I'll post here again tomorrow after my first day in clinic. Have a great day.