No need for sheep . . .

The word "BLESSINGS" is the first thing I see when I walk downstairs every morning. It is prominently displayed above the range hood in my kitchen and at perfect "eye level" when I hit the 4th step from the bottom.  I put it there on purpose because of the lyrics to one of my favorite songs. They go like this:

When I’m worried and I can’t sleep
I count my blessing instead of sheep
And I fall asleep, counting my blessings

When my bankroll is gettin’ small
I think of when I had none at all
And I fall asleep, counting my blessings

I think about a nursery
And I picture curly heads
And one by one I count them
As they slumber in their beds

If you’re worried and you can’t sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you’ll fall asleep counting your blessings.

So if you’re worried and you can’t sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you’ll fall asleep counting your blessings.

The music and lyrics were written by Irving Berlin for one of my all time favorite movies, White Christmas. In the 1954 movie it was sung by Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney and they both recorded it later (as did several other folks including Eddie Fischer and recently, Diana Krall) but it is still the movie version that is my favorite. 

I use the lyrics as a sort of mantra when something is worrying me . . . or . . . when everything is wonderful. So much so, that a few months ago (before I was sick) Charlie asked me about the tune that I was humming.  I explained that I was worried about something and that it helped me to remember to get "unworried." The next time he heard me humming it under my breath, he ran up and gave me a hug! "Don't worry Mom!" he said. "Oh," I said, "I wasn't worried, just happy." "But you were singing the worry song."  "Oh yeah, I was . . . but most of the time its a blessings song."  "Hmmm," he said "I don't get it." I tried to explain that turning worries into blessings is what the song is all about, but I think the concept was still a little beyond him . . .

They play music every day in the radiation room. I never know who has chosen the station/CD, and I never know why. Funny, but I've never asked. I sort of like the surprise.  I've had big band classics, Sinatra, Michael Jackson, and Madonna (twice!) but usually its a random easy listening station. I can usually get in about 4 songs while I'm on the table, but I never hear the first one. Because I always start with my song, my blessings song, in my head. 

Tomorrow, Wednesday the 19th of August, I will do that for the last time.  In itself, that is a remarkable blessing. The side effects have gotten particularly crappy this week and I am told that they are likely to significantly worsen before they get better, but what a blessing that they did not start sooner! (See how it works!?) I get calories almost exclusively via liquids or the tube, (which makes dinner prep really easy). I have no hair on the back of my head (still covered by the hair at the top though). The skin on my shoulders, back, and neck is red, itchy, scaly and horrible looking (but it too, is covered by my hair). I have no sense of taste to speak of (but someday in the next few months I will get to try everything I have ever eaten in the past, as if for the first time). I got cancer at age 44 (I got to find out how many people love me). We may not have cured it, it might come back (what a great reminder to live every day to its fullest). After tomorrow, no more daily trips to Charlotte. (think of the gas $ I will save) Very few appointments at all. (More time for home decorating!) Just feel super awful for a few weeks and come back for a scan the first week in October. (I get to be home every day when Charlie gets off the bus)  Etc. Etc. Etc. The worry into blessing transformation works for almost everything (ok, ok, except the damn mucous. I still CAN NOT find a blessing in that, it's just GROSS)

Until tomorrow, forget about the sheep. Try this:

 http://www.tsrocks.com/b/bing_crosby_texts/count_your_blessings.html